So, this is what the first 20 years of my life looks like:

• Born in 2004 in Korea
• Grew up in China, public school, only foreigner
• Sports kid, mid performance in academics through out K-12
• Okay-ish University

I wanted to goto Caltech to study physics, I wasn’t good enough.

I wanted to join navy seal, I wasn’t good enough.

I wanted to get into journalism, I didn’t perform very well.

I started prepping law school, soon I lost interest.

And then when I was 21, exactly one year ago from now as I’m writing this article, I started coding and doing projects. I built tutoring websites, made a couple apps. I grew some interest in the startup world. I liked the freedom and the spirits that infiltrated this space. I saw it as a chance to prove something and make me forget about all the underperformances that I had.

But the truth is that this is just another pit hole that constantly reminds me of my own limitations. The truth is that I will never swim out of this imagery of myself being “not good enough”. Jack of all trades, master of none. Easily broken, easily distracted. Always chasing some empty dreams, lost in the romanticism, never achieving something serious or real.

It’s discouraging, disappointing and disheartening.

I wanted to be “cracked” so bad but the distance between that and I was enough to wrap around the planet earth 7 and a half times.

I used to cry a lot, jumping off the cliff and riding off the high of oxytocin and endorphin that my tears brought, telling myself that I’ll get through this and eventually succeed. Of course it got me nowhere.

Truth is hard to face not because it’s hard to see but because it’s hard to stay on your feet without falling when faced with such brutality.

I still choose to keep walking down this path, knocking on doors and asking, again and again.

Everybody has to write their own stories, we can never do great things putting ourselves into the molds of the others.

You may have all the disadvantages one could have and see all the signs that you should stop, but you can still choose to do it 🙂